MOTHER’S DAY
GOSHEN
05/13/1990
Rev. Clyde B. Smith
Scripture Reference:Proverbs 31:10
Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.
Virtuous is an adjective used in different contexts with reference to strength, ability, efficiency, wealth, and valor. She is in every way an excellent woman.
A book was published several years ago entitled “The Seasons of a Man’s Life.” I want to talk about the “Seasons of a Woman’s Life.”
GOSHEN
05/13/1990
Rev. Clyde B. Smith
Scripture Reference:Proverbs 31:10
Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.
Virtuous is an adjective used in different contexts with reference to strength, ability, efficiency, wealth, and valor. She is in every way an excellent woman.
A book was published several years ago entitled “The Seasons of a Man’s Life.” I want to talk about the “Seasons of a Woman’s Life.”
Mothers, think of your own beginning. A baby girl. A member of a family that shaped your life. The usual developmental stages: childhood, school, normal concerns - - friends, dress, having things, being loved.
Now you reach the stage of dating. You think of marriage; of your own family; your own house, your own work.
You come to marriage. You have learned about family from your own family - - father, mother, children. Responsibility, sharing…
Maybe you said that you wanted a family like the one you grew up within.
Maybe you said you wanted a family totally different from your own family.
BUT YOU COME TO MARRIAGE.
Now you are a wife.
W. Hugh Missildine, M.D. said in his book “Your Inner Child of the Past” (1980’s): Because each of us has within himself a “child of the past”, marriage requires that four –not two—persons adjust to one another. It is two adults acting in the present and two children acting according to their respective and different family backgrounds. AND, BECAUSE THERE ARE FOUR PEOPLE INVOLVED IN MARRIAGE, ANY MARRIAGE IS NATURALLY COMPLICATED.
WHERE IS THE LITTLE GIRL YOU ONCE WERE? Still there, still alive and kicking!
In marriage you are an amateur. Building a home, learning to relate on a full-time basis to one man, caring for your own home, cooking meals.
Since I am primarily talking to mothers, there comes a time when you look forward to the birth of your child.
You care for, train, teach, dress, correct, and tend physical hurts.
You weep over failures, smile over joys, forgive mistakes, inspire.
YOU are raising a child, that, "YOU!" WITH YOUR OWN INNER CHILD STILL WITHIN YOU.
Sometimes you might think you are losing yourself as a person. You conform to roles, expectations, limitations.
It’s so easy for you to be seen only as meeting needs. It is so difficult for any of us to see people and things in an OBJECTIVE WAY.
I was asked by a psychiatrist in Atlanta – Have you ever tried to look into your own eyes and see who you really are?
LET ME ASK YOU HUSBANDS AND CHILDREN –
Have you ever looked deep into the eyes of that person you call wife and mother and tried to see the person within? Try to do it without getting your own “I” into it and seeing her only as someone to meet your needs. It is a most difficult task.
HERE IS A YOUNG GIRL INSIDE A YOUNG WOMAN and she is called MOTHER.
SEE HER—A REAL PERSON WITH HER OWN NEEDS – HER OWN YEARNINGS AND ASPIRATIONS – PLEASE DON’T DEFINE HER IN TERMS OF ONLY YOURSELF.
REMEMBER – IN ALL THESE EXPERIENCES, SHE IS ONLY AN AMATEUR. EVERY DAY IS A BRAND NEW EXPERIENCE.
She was a young girl but somehow her experiences are not valid NOW.
She was a student in the distant past. She experienced all the emotions that you now feel, but it's a different time NOW.
She was a young bride but marriage is different NOW.
She had to deal with the same moral and ethical choices you struggle with but the same morals and ethics don’t apply NOW.
IN THE PROGRESS OF TIME, MOST MOTHERS BECOME GRANDMOTHERS.
Where is the child of the past, the young bride and mother? STILL VERY MUCH ALIVE! LOOK DEEP WITHIN HER EYES AND YOU WILL SEE THEM THERE!
THESE ARE ALL NEW EXPERIENCES!!! Who has been a grandmother to this particular child before? Not her! Who has to face totally different circumstances every day that the sun comes up? SHE DOES!
[As a grandmother] She is back in the old mold again - - training, encouraging, advising (even when not asked), giving, weeping, laughing.
REMEMBER EACH DAY IS NOT ONLY NEW, BUT IT IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM ANY OTHER DAY BEFORE IT.
AND DON'T FORGET! SHE IS AN AMATEUR!
I’ve used that word so often, I want to define for you what I mean by it.
AMATEUR - from Latin amator, lover from amatus, pp. of amare, to love.
DEVOTEE, ADMIRER.
One who engages in a pursuit, study, science, or sport as a pastime rather than as a profession.
ALL OF THEM – The little girl of the past. The young bride of yesterday. The young or older mother; or the grandmother you might be today.
ALL OF THEM DO WHAT THEY DO BECAUSE THEY LOVE WHAT THEY DO.
Just look into the eyes and see if they do not agree. See if you don't find a virtuous bride, mother, or grandmother.
Now you reach the stage of dating. You think of marriage; of your own family; your own house, your own work.
You come to marriage. You have learned about family from your own family - - father, mother, children. Responsibility, sharing…Maybe you said that you wanted a family like the one you grew up within.
Maybe you said you wanted a family totally different from your own family.
BUT YOU COME TO MARRIAGE.
Now you are a wife.
W. Hugh Missildine, M.D. said in his book “Your Inner Child of the Past” (1980’s): Because each of us has within himself a “child of the past”, marriage requires that four –not two—persons adjust to one another. It is two adults acting in the present and two children acting according to their respective and different family backgrounds. AND, BECAUSE THERE ARE FOUR PEOPLE INVOLVED IN MARRIAGE, ANY MARRIAGE IS NATURALLY COMPLICATED.
WHERE IS THE LITTLE GIRL YOU ONCE WERE? Still there, still alive and kicking!
In marriage you are an amateur. Building a home, learning to relate on a full-time basis to one man, caring for your own home, cooking meals.
Since I am primarily talking to mothers, there comes a time when you look forward to the birth of your child.
You care for, train, teach, dress, correct, and tend physical hurts.
You weep over failures, smile over joys, forgive mistakes, inspire.
YOU are raising a child, that, "YOU!" WITH YOUR OWN INNER CHILD STILL WITHIN YOU.
Sometimes you might think you are losing yourself as a person. You conform to roles, expectations, limitations.
It’s so easy for you to be seen only as meeting needs. It is so difficult for any of us to see people and things in an OBJECTIVE WAY.
I was asked by a psychiatrist in Atlanta – Have you ever tried to look into your own eyes and see who you really are?
LET ME ASK YOU HUSBANDS AND CHILDREN –
Have you ever looked deep into the eyes of that person you call wife and mother and tried to see the person within? Try to do it without getting your own “I” into it and seeing her only as someone to meet your needs. It is a most difficult task.
HERE IS A YOUNG GIRL INSIDE A YOUNG WOMAN and she is called MOTHER.
SEE HER—A REAL PERSON WITH HER OWN NEEDS – HER OWN YEARNINGS AND ASPIRATIONS – PLEASE DON’T DEFINE HER IN TERMS OF ONLY YOURSELF.
REMEMBER – IN ALL THESE EXPERIENCES, SHE IS ONLY AN AMATEUR. EVERY DAY IS A BRAND NEW EXPERIENCE.
She was a young girl but somehow her experiences are not valid NOW.
She was a student in the distant past. She experienced all the emotions that you now feel, but it's a different time NOW.
She was a young bride but marriage is different NOW.
She had to deal with the same moral and ethical choices you struggle with but the same morals and ethics don’t apply NOW.
IN THE PROGRESS OF TIME, MOST MOTHERS BECOME GRANDMOTHERS.
Where is the child of the past, the young bride and mother? STILL VERY MUCH ALIVE! LOOK DEEP WITHIN HER EYES AND YOU WILL SEE THEM THERE!
THESE ARE ALL NEW EXPERIENCES!!! Who has been a grandmother to this particular child before? Not her! Who has to face totally different circumstances every day that the sun comes up? SHE DOES!
[As a grandmother] She is back in the old mold again - - training, encouraging, advising (even when not asked), giving, weeping, laughing.
REMEMBER EACH DAY IS NOT ONLY NEW, BUT IT IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM ANY OTHER DAY BEFORE IT.
AND DON'T FORGET! SHE IS AN AMATEUR!
I’ve used that word so often, I want to define for you what I mean by it.
AMATEUR - from Latin amator, lover from amatus, pp. of amare, to love.
DEVOTEE, ADMIRER.
One who engages in a pursuit, study, science, or sport as a pastime rather than as a profession.
ALL OF THEM – The little girl of the past. The young bride of yesterday. The young or older mother; or the grandmother you might be today.
ALL OF THEM DO WHAT THEY DO BECAUSE THEY LOVE WHAT THEY DO.
Just look into the eyes and see if they do not agree. See if you don't find a virtuous bride, mother, or grandmother.
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